How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
