Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Verdict: uncircumcised.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
