In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
