One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
