I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
