If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
