That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
