I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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