Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
