you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
