just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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