Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
