I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
