its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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