I puked a lego.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
how does that bad decision feel?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
