That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
