If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
