I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
