You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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