get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
