as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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