dude i'm inner monologue high
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
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