I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
