I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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