I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
