I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
