apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
