I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
