the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
