i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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