I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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