Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
