guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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