I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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