she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I want her autograph on my taint
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
