you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
My feet surprised me
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