yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
