you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
where does the pee come out of this thing
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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