Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
