You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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