I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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