Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
