I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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