i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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