Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
