Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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