Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
