my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
