So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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