Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
