Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
