he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Randomize
