Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
MIDGETS
????
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Randomize
