the new term for farting is butt boxing.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
